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But only if its ignored and brushed under the rug. If H wants out, H will have to pony up himself. ! I also saw lots of animosity. Make peace with whoever let you down in the past. HA remember that from college??? I have had my BIL who lives in the same country call her and let her know the man she slept with is married. On April 29, Wilbanks called Mason from Albuquerque, New Mexico, and falsely claimed that she had been kidnapped and sexually assaulted by a Hispanic man and a white woman. He dumping me for someone else! Some choose not to share and others like myself do. And then a month later he wants a D. I like your plan for the next few weeks. Satori Hes scared shitless. I am a brazilian 59 yo man. That is so true. They just leave, with a note on the kitchen table or email announcing that they are gone and the partnership is over. Hed pull me in then push me away. She is having her cake and eating it too as they say in cheaterworld! It will get better. Part of the reason was, that I had no unresolved issues with my Dad. And really did you honestly expect anything different from them? In our business day stuff yesterday nothing came up re our M, but he asked me if he could come over to help out on something that needs fixing at the house. I stressed myself out about the whole forgiveness thing. He was gone 3 1/2 months before I put my foot down and really blew. I pointed out various, shall we say, facts of life regarding the historical reasons for things.

They all regularly say how they are still shocked. Even animals grieve so we may as well not fight it. I mean how appropriate was that? Ok so underlying the three words secretive, dismissive, smug is this really really painful one: contempt. Its my story good, bad or evil. After D-day #2, she became even more distant and cold and resentful. And, even though things are better, part of me cant let go of the break in trust. SI I thought it was too. Follow our journey as we save our marriage after an emotional affair, asking yourself what you did to cause your spouse to leave, https://www.marriage.com/advice/counseling/know-about-spousal-abandonment-syndrome/, http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/narcissists-abandon-their-families-and-re-invent-themselves-4/, http://spartanlifecoach.com/covert-narcissistic-abuse-unmasked/, Terms of Service/Privacy Policy/Affiliate Disclosure. FIL did not even ask how I was coping. I have yet to find a resource that can wholly explain this phenomenon from the betrayers point of view and really explain what they did and why they did it in that way. I think you are wise to remove yourself from any contact that is not absolutely necessary. Everything should be peachy! Seems like your W stayed in your home? Occupy yourself with everything positive that you can. Ive kept my cool for the most part but the lack of sleep and edginess of things allows H to provoke me on some occasions. It was the hardest time in my life and it was a daily struggle to not lose it. its good to know that something do minor gets him twisted b/c it is one less thing he can torture you with. It was an excuse / and his A was a choice and there is no excuse or reson to cheat. Three days after that OW was fired but for three more weeks the continued communication. Your H has to come to grips with his crap behavior and take responsibility to do the hard work ahead. Because even we love them and we want the marriage to continue, they know they have done such awful things to us that they cannot believe we can still love them. Ive had little to no contact with H with the exception of briefly once a week and managed to do whatever I needed and keep things going with a a lot of help in the form of major outsourcing of a laundry list of tasks. I needed to tell it. In many cases, the explanation involves a combination of these reasons. Then he begs me to reconsider. He has done far too much choosing for me, without concern for me. OMG SI I dont know what I would have done had I heard her name uttered in his sleep! Because IMO anything else would only make it worse for you. She said Its like a package thats really huge and cumbersome. God loves you with all of His heart. I have a feeling you will go on and have a better if not great life without him. Have you ever been rear ended in a car accident and how shocked you were and the only words out of your mouth is WTF just happened? When I say I hid under my bed, I almost quite literally did! I refused to do that.
Finally, if you are or if you have been in this situation, I highly recommend getting professional help immediately and also reading Vikki Starks book Runaway Husbands. You dont have to have all the answers, right now.. I never complained when he was away. Seems appropriate to me). When in crisis the emotions are like a wild roller coaster ride. [14], A photo of Wilbanks appears in the trailer of the 2008 movie about professional poker, The Grand, as one of the many women Woody Harrelson's character has been married to in the past. You will bad days but as time goes by you will have more better days. TH Dont know how he could say this with a straight place. You seem distant for some reason. In our case a bar might have made it all worse!! This is moving at lightning speed and you need to protect yourself and assets. It occurs when an unhappy wife suddenly divorces her spouse without warning, which opens up a lot of questions. Now these guys are all married and with kids etc so I never worried, but the fact is he had so much freedom to hang out with buddies at will, drinking, going on boys trips etc. Its just like everything else glass half full or half empty. Yes, I do believe that coworkers and friends heavily influence one another. SI gave good info. I have to be honest when I told my H we were done he never once changed his mind or wavered in his commitment to me and R and our M. When I get furious I just talk in a low calm manner. As you read I finally went on a trip to California. It was so weird. All of your red flags were the same as the ones I came up with, thats why I pushed for another meeting with him, to check if the headspace I woke up in was the right thing. You have people (even is at EAJ) who are surrounding you and helping however possible. Im meeting with H now first thing tomorrow. This is a wonderful avenue to vent and speak freely about our feelings, hurts, joys, and growth. She did nothing. Keep taking care of you..you can get through this. And if he does choose R will he have the commitment to weather the storm and really stay committed to it? Id sign that petition. Second, do not take the blame upon yourself. See some art, great sights, and eat good food and drink some good wine. Screwing up his life is what concerned me. It leads to re-vitimisation and can invoke other effects such as trauma and feelings of worthlessness (Why cant I get over it? SatoriYou find those therapists by interviewing them or even asking them when you call to set an appointment. Our family has supported me to the hilt and said Satori if you want to be with your H we will love him again if you want us to. They wont hold any grudges.

The detaching thing is the worst. He started calling me darling and babe again!!! Satori Voila: self regulation and personal responsibility. Its almost a taboo subject. My dog is the only thing keeping me here. Melatonin is now on my shopping list. I totally relate to your story. They make no sense. Hes put you in your place as far as his life and intentions are going to be for the future. He doesnt want to see whats wrong with him. A lot ensued during that trip A LOT enough so that on my drive home is when my anger came like a volcano. Lol and I even said gee I havent had my shower yet but you need another one. In terms of relationship, a spouses history and conditioning also bears into it. So you need to make sure you get custody and child support ftom him. Me: Ha, yeah right like fucking my husband and stealing my money????? He doesnt think he has done anything wrong (SMH) so I doubt he will entertain MC or IC. I am a very self-aware, emotionally intelligent person and even though I can see clearly that I accepted alot of behaviour over the years that was unacceptable and am working on healing these parts of me, the reality is that he was VERY skilled at lying, deceiving and manipulating. So believe half of what you hear. I have always had that dont mess with me attitude with raising the kids etc. . He is acting like a child. He is a saboteur on all fronts of my life. Like it happened yesterday. He called my ENTIRE family and apologized for his behavior. Most men dont announce that shit to their mothers. On every level, I cant believe H would do this to both our lives. We play doctor. I have an attorney and my therapist on speed dial shoukd I have even a suspicion or hint if anything I dont like. My daughter said later that I should have called her at work to come get the little girls but I didnt think to even do that. Glad to hear how you are doing on your trip. I know I went into shock and if it werent for the fact that I had a one year old and a three year old in my care that day..I dont know what I would have done that day. Weve all heard that dominant crap. So unfairpainful. The witching hour. The money factor in our case, not that were talking crazy amounts but its enough for someone to run away for a few years lets put it that way. This shit is tricky for bystanders. Yeah, Imma let them finish. Take half. Dont throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak . It is just not real their relationship is built on fluff and fantasy. Im not even feeling like a second choice. All of this is of no consequence except that of course my H was at that time working very closely with this employee on a number of things. Im ready for whatever now. Thats the sting in my heart still. I think this lawyer is going to open up his eyes. You have no idea how much I have learned from both of you. My oldest son (39 years at the time) actually confronted my husband after he found out about the EA. Ive done my share of speculation but in the end like you said, diagnoses are for professionals to work out. And battle I did. And chickens are coming home to roost ie consequences are beginning to sink in. Ive had enough. Letting the affair play out. They also deserved a lesson as they made us feel so bad about our bogan roots let alone how it made us feel to even know Satoris family. Her post was hurtful, petty, insensitive, passive aggressive, immature and mostly brought nothing to the conversation of supporting people who are hurting. I just never thought I would have to use it with him.I trusted so completely. It is amazing how most people avoid conflict or confrontation. Hopefully the reality check will flush out a breakthrough. What the hell?! I got him to acknowledge something that was really important related to the finances that he had been clearly acting very defensive about and lying, and in doing so, he acknowledged power I hold over him. Why? He can just eat his heart out!! And thats what worked. And I was almost finished too. There are no good answers. Jennifer Wilbanks gained notoriety in the United States and internationally, and her story persisted as a major topic of national news coverage for some time after she was found unharmed. They began a torrid highly charged sexual A. Who knows with the trip + treatment I may be able to turn a corner. I also think it is unfair for a woman to hang on if she is truly done. That he clearly thinks its only about what he needs however he must acknowledge that my needs are being completely ignored. Almost 4 months was enough for me. 3. Both of these determine the way we see others."It's the final installment of our PURSUE series! Hi Satori So what? You are not saying you are giving up on your marriage you are just going to be making it very clear that the status quo is no longer. I was going forward with the divorce and as a matter of fact I was going out that night 3 1/2 months later and find a man like hed been telling me to for weeks. He cannot change any life insurance beneficiaries b/c the policies are in my name and he is the insured. It was my fault he was unhappy (yup raising two kids while he travelled every week and making his life so damn easy eas a readon for his unhappiness and my fault)! So yeah, Im keeping my powder dry in regard to all options which Im going to put on the table to my H, including that one. Speaking of the A, H 100% confirmed it was over yesterday and she is not even in my phone and when I looked skeptical, he offered it to me to check. Again I vote beach. He can CHOOSE R at any time. The timeline of this agony is what scares me. He is a coward. Memes are not proprietary I dont believe and they are everywhere. Anxiety is a breaker isnt it? I have been able to piece this together from what he and his sister have told me. Youve got to get thru this day by day, hour by hour if necessary. He may fight you but thats ok. Those pesky consequences are such a drag. So when he said yes I want to be M to you I believed it. Simple and makes perfect sense. Frankly I dont know how they do it. Separating from a business agreement is harder and more costly. Repeat my exwife was the one that ran away from me and our son. Theres no justification based upon a MLC or anything else. Whats worse (and as we learned prior) is it is usually the kind of spouse you would least expect. I can only imagine their discomfort holy fuck Im stuck on a 3 hour flight with a woman crying next to me! The point is keep going forward. Reel me back in. Often the stranger he or she becomes is monstrous. You have time and he is to scared to do it first. Its all about control. It doesnt mean I accept the relationship with OW anymore than you do, but I understand why it is going on and I do have reasons to believe it is unlikely to last. And then, desperately, we go out on the water to rescue them. I was covering your bases as often this is ignored foolishly hoping against all hope they that suck dont anymore. With the infidelity split being almost an equal split between genders that are many culpable women out there. I just had to grieve in private b/c of my children. TryingHard and TheFirstWife have been spot on. He did. It was her decision, every day for who knows how long, to continue her cheating and lying to me. My take on that is if he wanted to only help you with something that he knew needed fixing it would have been much easier if he didnt want any interaction with you to send in a handy man. Hmmm. My grandfathers sister, bless her heart, was kind to the core and forgiving her own mothers foul behavior because of what she knew her own mother went through. I love LOVE your Skank Fever def! I think we deserve better treatment by fellow betrayed spouses. I mean I went driving around in my pajamas, with a mallet in my car while on that stuff. So, now I am circling back to the topic of runaway spouses. And Satori I agree you should not tell or assist your H in fixing this. As it is I suspect between fathers and daughters. With Julia Roberts, Richard Gere, Joan Cusack, Hector Elizondo. was worried about his mental health. Im in awe that you survived that ordeal. Times are better now. I cant be nice, it drives him away. Right you are! Very unhappy with job and pay and title. Immediately. Lol. But now, it wasnt always just us. She coolly replied that my H needed to sort out his issues on his own even though she is scripting his texts to me. If a traditional affair rips the proverbial carpet out from under a betrayed spouse, marital abandonment rips out the entire house and the foundation itself from a betrayed spouse. Satori-reconciliation is possible. SatoriLOLOLOL nah too much work. 9. Not in a million years. That is parallel with the taunting. Much shopping and a decent amount of mani-pedi action. If I cant get any sign(s) that hes willing to work on our M, then whats the point of me being agreeable? Its a precursor though, for sure. Scared of it all. Still SMH, Oh hell no Puzzled. Its not warranted but we wont admit that, why should we? I understand youve been smashed hard too. Hi Satori Im not saying your marriage is over but hubby needs a wake up call. Forget about the narrative h puked up to his family. Both M & F. Old or young. Your brother meant well and is sticking up for you. I take it you are not in the US? The entitlement is the worry. It literally makes me gag. My reasoning was simply for my kids. You can now see what so many of us here have been through.

And of course you want and deserve their support but I wouldnt hold my breath. From now on, when she returns home, prior to Facebook playing, she IS to get her phone out and make it available to answer. I am so sorry you are going through this. Once the papers are signed I will have some sort of comfort and order going forward. My former drama-free life that is. Pigs. ???? Going to breathe some clean mountain air and switch off all my devices and do nothing towards solving anything. Are Your Loved Ones "Out of Sight, Out of Mind"? So I called bullshit on it and later he admitted to grasping at straws as an excuse. Matter of fact I suggest dint do it with them. It adds fuel to the humiliation fire that I in fact suggested and even encouraged him to take the trip as he seemed burned out from work. Just had to chime in here. Wish I could rely on any sort of consistency from him though! Period. Trust your gut here. Wishing you the best outcome today that the financial aspect is complete. He has been my rock during this hurricane. I truly think your h is scared and easily influenced by others. But it sure felt great at the time.